does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
