I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
