I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
