Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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