so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
