hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
