I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
