I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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