I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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