were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
