I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
