Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The beer is more important than you right now.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
