you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
