I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
