it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
