hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
