yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
the liver wants what the liver wants
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
