I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
