If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
This house was built for laser tag.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
