I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
