Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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