You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize