I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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