I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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