Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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