3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
