Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
do herpes really smell.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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