now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
