god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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