life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
