I'm really into asian looking animals
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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