I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
