the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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