He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize