Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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