put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
