how can u be prego again
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Princesses don't give blow jobs
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
