can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
