where am i from again
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
