matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize