Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
