Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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