How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
