It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i think my tv is drunk
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
