When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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