So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
ugly people sure do ruin things
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
