why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize