While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
