If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize