he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
