Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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