it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
