Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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