i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
