Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
