and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
