They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
