So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
