Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Panties = found
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
