Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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