God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
