Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The uberlube is also flammable
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
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