He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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