Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
