Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
